Zombie Killing Stoners, Episode 1 by Prof B.T. Mienoré

Author:Prof B.T. Mienoré
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: fiction, zombies, funny, nyc fiction, zombie apocalypse, stoners, walking dead apocalypse horror, horror action zombie, zombie action adventure, stoner horror
Publisher: Prof B.T. Mienoré

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5. Like Burgers With All the Fixin's

Ronnie and Woods stand in front of the emergency stairwell door, staring at the opening as if they are about to step into a ferocious blaze. Neither one is anxious to proceed.

Woods finally whispers, “Alright Ronnie, here’s how we’re going to play it once we get in there. I’m gonna go first and head up the stairs real slow-like to clear the way. You stay a few steps behind me and make sure nothing tries to sneak up on us. Don’t worry at all about what’s in front because that’s my job, okay? When we pass each floor I’ll fix it so the door won’t open, and that way nothing can come up behind us. We have eight floors to climb, so let's take it easy. There’s no need to wear ourselves out jogging if we don’t have to. Here, let me have the shotgun and you take this pistol.”

Woods pulls out the revolver from his ankle holster and passes it to her. “You do know how to work it, right? In this confined space if this shotgun goes off we’ll be deaf for a week. I’ll sling it for now. Ready?”

With a deep sigh and a look of resignation on her face Ronnie nods and replies, “Yes, Woods. Let’s get it over with and go back to your place so we can all have a pleasant kb cocktail. I can’t wait to see Divvy. My nerves are shot.”

“That’s the spirit Ronnie! Oorah! Come on.”

The stairs are dripping with ghastly multi-colored stalactites of partially congealed who-knew-what-the-fuck-it-is, and they smell a dozen times worse. The air is thick with a miasma of decomposing meat and days-old Zombie feces, marinating in the rich coppery tang of copious amounts of blood. Woods hears a loud, liquidy retching sound coming from behind him as he is hit with the additional aroma of steamy fresh puke.

“You okay back there? Want to stop?”

“Ooohh, fuck me. That was just too much right now. I’m okay. And HELL NO I don’t want to stop! Just keep moving - maybe even hurry more. I picked a bad time to wear sneakers. These things are ruined. I’ll have to soak my feet in bleach to hopefully take care of any pathogens. Maybe Divvy has a pair I can borrow.”

They trudge up the stairs, being careful not to slip or touch the repugnant rails and walls. The first two landings are clear, but on the third they find a jumble of Zombies that obviously fell while coming downstairs, landing haphazardly on top of each other and blocking the way to next flight. Some of their limbs are twisted at horrible angles, and Woods and Ronnie can see the sharp ragged ends of broken bones ripping and poking through their skin over and over as the Zombies flail about. Some of the bones even impale one Zed onto another, sticking them together so they move like a puppet.

As bad as that is, it isn’t the worst part.

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